Petition to President Barack Obama to Ban Assault Breasts: Big Knockers Are Causing More Death

In light of the tragedy in Everett, Washington, where Donna Lange suffocated her boyfriend using her breasts as dangerous weapons, we petition the President of the United States to action to ban assault breasts. As more and more men become victims of these tragedies where gigantic tatas , it is obvious the powerful cosmetic surgery, pharmaceutical, and medical lobbies, by increasing breast sizes are making America a more dangerous place as Congress looks the other way and we call upon the federal government through the executive branch to act to reduce breast freedom in the United States and put restrictions upon the size of these outrageous mammary monuments of narcissism and bad backs to be enacted upon women in all fifty states and every US territory. Any set of breasts that can be used to suffocate a sexual partner in an act of deceit must be reduced immediately.

We petition the president to act by issuing executive orders to make America safer:

Lorena Bobbit

1. Issue a Presidential Memorandum to require federal agencies to make relevant data available to men and lesbians on dating sites citing women with a violent past who also have breast implants or breasts larger than a C cup.

2. Address unnecessary legal barriers, particularly relating to the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act, that may prevent states from reporting to the federal government a woman's bra size and if cosmetic enhancements have been carried out.

3. Improve incentives for states to share information with the boob background check system.

4. Direct the Attorney General to review categories of individuals prohibited from having breast implants due to a violent past to make sure dangerous women are not slipping through the cracks and receiving breast implants.

5. Propose rulemaking to give any law enforcement official the ability to pull any woman a police officer likes with incredible knockers complete with TSA style pat downs that seek out illegal implants without respecting the Fourth Amendment right of the woman.

6. Publish a letter from ATFBB (Division of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Big Breasts) to federally licensed cosmetic surgeons providing guidance on how to run boob background checks before committing to enlarge a woman's breasts.

7. Launch a national safe and responsible breast ownership campaign.

8. Review safety standards for bras, especially the straps, hooks, and underwires, which may be used as a secondary weapon in case the actual breasts fail to suffocate the victim (Consumer Product Safety Commission).

9. Issue a Presidential Memorandum to require federal law enforcement to breast implants removed and replaced with larger breast implants.

10. Release a DOJ report analyzing information on the last 25 years of breast implants and the use of psychotropic drugs and make it widely available to law enforcement.

A buddy for
Janet.

11. Nominate an Big Breast director at the Department of Homeland Security (a play buddy for Janet Napoltiano.)

12. Provide law enforcement, first responders, and school officials with proper training that allows teachers to pat down female students they fear may be stuffing without parental consent. In interrogation matters, if these female students ask for the lawyer tell them they don't have the right to a lawyer. Any female student caught stuffing her bra to scare, threaten, or intimidate another male student will be indefinitely detained by full executive privilege provided by the National Defense Authorization Act.

13. Maximize enforcement efforts to prevent breast violence and prosecute crimes committed with the bouncing Buddhas .

14. Issue a Presidential Memorandum directing the Centers for Disease Control to research the causes and prevention of breast violence.

15. Direct the Attorney General to issue a report on the availability and most effective use breast implant safety technologies and challenge the private sector to develop innovative technologies which cause implants to explode within the attacker if the breasts are ever used in a manner to hurt another American.

16. Clarify that the Affordable Care Act does not prohibit doctors from feeling up their patients without asking the patient to see if the patient is packing breast implants in their chests.

17. Release a letter to health care providers including psychiatrists clarifying that no federal law prohibits them from reporting threats of breast violence to law enforcement authorities.

18. Provide incentives for schools to hire school mammary resource officers.

19. Develop model emergency response plans for schools, houses of worship and institutions of higher education that teaches people to react accordingly for situations that may challenge like when a woman pulls out their breast in public to breast feed and know the difference between a breast feeding woman and a woman armed and dangerous with a breast.

20. Release a letter to state health officials clarifying the scope of mental health services that Medicaid plans must cover for women with larger breasts. All big chested women should receive state-sponsored counselling.

21. Finalize regulations clarifying essential health benefits of smaller breasts and breast reduction surgery. Epic cleavage kills!

White females with big, round (sometimes saggy) breasts
are the new enemy in America, especially if they fly
Gadsden flags and attend Tea Party events.
Psychological exams that go as  far as examining the
woman's racial preferences must be
carried out.

22. Commit to finalizing mental health parity regulations for women with larger knockers.

23. Launch a national dialogue led by Secretary Janet Napolitano on mental health. Napolitano is the best for the hands-on experience and the hands-on approach she will take in these matters.

Won't you please take a few minutes and sign the petition and require President Barack Obama to react today? https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/ban-assault-breasts/KzGF3MCn  It is time assault breasts are banned for good.