Mind Numbing Millennials (From the Mancow Show)

Bring on the depression. Let's have an earth shaking Tsunami caliber economic collapse. Bye bye bottom! Bring on chaos, panic and rioting in the streets! Why? Because it just may save our nation. The 20 something's are an aloof group that needs their asses handed to them. Experts call them "Millennials" others just call them "a-holes." Our economy has been so bitchin' for so long it's actually providing a compfy place for these jerks to incubate in. We've become the brainless partying with peacocks on the rooftops of Metropolis.

A worthless lot that wears their Hollister hats backwards as they backslap and congratulate each other over nothing. These men buy their clothes already distressed so they look like they actually do something. "Distressed" is how they describe the cloths of today that are riddled with holes, worn spots, and faux dirt stains painted on designed to make them look rugged. Their jeans run half a grand and they spend hundreds on their hairdos. The hair is highlighted with Seacresty lighter tones & their skin spray-tanned to give us the illusion that they actually are working outside. They want to look like cancer free Marlboro men with soft hands and stupid smirks.

These are not rednecks that actually stand for God, guns, and guts. These are there more "enlightened" contemporaries. Mostly white guys born between 1980-1995 that have had everything handed to them and yet the complaining never stops. They got a new car at sixteen that they promptly wrecked. Their college dorm rooms looked like they were decorated by Crate & Barrel. They partied and got luke-warm grades but it never really mattered. They've always had so called "helicopter parents" hovering around them to clean up their messes and cushion any bumps in life's road. Every second is scheduled so they never have a moment of solace to reflect and realize "I am a complete douche bag." When they played Little League every child was called winner. Even the kid that came in 17th was called "champ" and given a trophy. And now anytime you have to deal with one of these propped-up "winners" you lose.

The Millennials are self centered, yet never self-actualized. My Space, Face book, i pod, i phone, and video games, keep them in their own heads where their ids rule supreme. The theme song to their existence is the same one an operatic tenor sings as he warms up "me me me me me me." It's their movie and were just extras in it. The road sign for them always reads "one-way." They use the word "journey" a lot. They blog about their "journey" and no one ever bothers to tell them what tedious bores they are when they tell their ripping yarns of what they had for lunch or who they loathe on the television show "The Hills.

"Tom Brokaw wrote about the "greatest generation." The generation that fought World War 2 and survived the great depression. The generation that fought and died for what they believed in. Maybe, they left us with an America with too much opportunity. We are so prosperous we can actually support a class of shallow nothing people. We are mentally & morally bankrupt that we've mutated into politically correct sheeple that tolerate intolerance. When radicalized Islamic fascist want to kill them they want to try to talk it out. (Well, it worked out well for Neville Chamberlain & Adolf Hitler.)

They get hooked on the credit-card crack pipe in college and never stop buying trinkets they don't need and can't afford. Spoiled boys can't say "no." If it has the word "extreme" on it spelled wrongly then they gotta have it. Add the word "energy" and promise them their hearts will race and they'll act all the roided -up and crazy and it's already on the Amex. Monster energy to help you on your lame-assed so-called journey to oblivion? High five!

The Millennials voted for Obama. Oh, not because they actually knew anything about Obama's politics but because it's what their group collective did. They believed it gave them street cred. That coupled with a few ghetto phrases and ass-crack revealing baggy pants, they believed would endear them to their darker skinned homies. Un-fortunately their African-American peers wisely view them as pathetic posers with no sense of issues or history completely governed by emotion. "Eminems a poet, Yo.

"If it's a graphically violent, degrading to women video they can't wait to share it with there buds on the internet. They idolize "Girls Gone Wild's" Joe Francis and pay for friends in the form of fraternities. They do keggers, snort Ritalin, and plan their next rape.They believe they are individuals yet like all good lemmings they never look around to notice they all wear the exact same uniforms. Abercrombie & Filth, Hollister, Gap, Hot Topic, mall store, mall store, and mall store. Tomorrow? A beer gut covered with Tommy Bahama.

They think nothing of destroying those closest to them and then saying something clever like "hug it out man." However, they claim to feel deeply for the latest victims of some natural disaster that happened in some country with a name they can't pronounce. They'll argue that we have to rebuild every despot regime even though they hate Western civilization. Meanwhile an American city like New Orleans can stay in ruins. It's much hipper now to root for one's enemies. They are the gods (small "g") of their self-absorbed parent created empires. Standing in the shallows giving out bullshit advice with long pauses between each thought. Sadly our pathetic Public schools have robbed them of ever being genuine leaders. "Everyone's the same" goes the diversity loving governmental brain washing the teachers spew. They get constant praise and even though they really are all the same they somehow still all feel superior. Odd. So much effort has been put into there feelings not being hurt that they are never given any truth. They were graded on the low end of the curve because our politically correct system demands that the non-English speaking illegals don't feel dumb. And while Pedro may or may not be stupid it's lowering the bar for everyone. Think we aren't de-evolving as a culture? Have you tried to have a conversation with anyone just out of high school lately? Trogs! We desperately need school choice if we ever hope to steer the S.S. America away from the iceberg.

American business leaders will tell you they simply can not find anyone willing to put forth any effort. Corporate America hates the new crop. As much as I can't stand the corporations you have to feel something akin to empathy for them. The new work force needs endless praise every single day. They cannot, and will not, do any long term projects. They can't focus for long. Their A.D.D. is enabled by Tivo and workdays dicking around on the internet on your dime. They decorate their cubicle like a ten year old boy's playroom. They tape up juvenile cartoons witty only to the basest of dullards. They pose their action figures from movies that pre-date them around their computers.

The work ethic has disappeared from this generation. They have the blue tooth ear piece perched on their ears so you always feel like you are interrupting some phantom conversation. We call them "blue tools" around my office because rudely they are literally always on the phone. Or should I say their phone is always on them? They always have a slightly constipated irritated look on their smug mugs. Glancing around establishments that actually employ these pretentious pricks one can't help but wonder: "how does anything get done around here?" Then you spot her. That one sweating good-natured fat girl that actually does all the work. If you want a successful business now days I say skip the preening twenty something white boys and hire sloppy fat white women. They really do try harder. Like Avis, and they'll put out if you get desperate. It's a 2 for 10 work ratio fat girls versus asinine frat boy types by my calculation.

Maybe the newscasters are correct about us needing illegals because lazy Americans don't want to work. I believe the talking heads and that's why we actually need a good old fashioned depression. Then we won't sit idly sipping Starbucks as our country gets destroyed. Congressman Tom Tancredo told me about our governments plan for one borderless North American Union. Canada, America, and Mexico blended together to become just another third world backwater dump. NAFTA lit the fuse for the implosion of skilled workers leaving & factories closing.

We keep hearing how wonderful the global economy is and yet I remain unimpressed.Our over-inflated fiat currency has to crash along with the housing and stock markets. We won't have the time or money to give hand-outs, welfare, and affirmative action... The complaining will stop and the Millenials will simply have to get busy or die. Perhaps an even greater generation will rise from the ashes. We'll celebrate intelligence and, the work ethic once more. Shallow blogs will be abandoned for more authentic character building pursuits. America will have renewed relevance to use once again out of necessity. The coddled crowd that's heard "yes, yes, yes" will just have to get used to "no." So bring on the bad times for our own survival. Let's sing the blues-its better that whatever recycled unfeeling crap is on the radio nowadays anyway. Our Jewish friends don't hold the patent on self loathing. Only a spoiled American, like me, could actually say a depression would make me happy. Right Now.

First heard on the Mancow Show September 2008