My Five-Minute, Second Grade Science Lesson

People breath in oxygen. Our bodies use the oxygen and it produces carbon dioxide as a waste product. We breathe out the carbon dioxide and the trees and the grass and all the rest of the vegetation take the carbon dioxide in and use it for healthy cellular functions. Are you following me? Once they consume the carbon dioxide it is turned into oxygen and released back into the air for human and animal inhalation.

Now boys and girls, we are being told that carbon dioxide is bad. Some people are calling it a pollutant. I have a question for them. If it's a pollutant, then why aren't the trees gettting sick? If it's a pollutant, then why are mean mommys and daddys making their kids eat polluted vegetables at the dinner table? If our waste product that is essential for life on earth is called a pollutant, then why isn't the trees waste product a pollutant too?

Would someone please answer these questions for me? You see, I read today that Dear Leader Chairman Obama (the great socialist following the tradition of other great socialist like Marx, Lenin, Stalin, Chairman Mao) wants to declare carbon dioxide a dangerous pollutant. As a concerned environmentalist, I am standing up for the trees here. These trees will die without carbon dioxide. How is something that is essential for life on earth a dangerous pollutant. The only dangerous thing I see in this paragraph is Chairman Obama.

This summer, I visited the Magic House in Kirkwood, MO. The Magic House is part of the St. Louis city museum campus. I noticed a sign hanging on the wall that said that just the grass along side the entire federal interstate highway system consumes enough carbon dioxide and produces enough oxygen for over 22 million people to live. Now, I have flown over this country a number of times. From spring through summer and parts of fall, it's very green and wide open when you fly over it. The only exception is when I flew to Phoenix a in 2001. What I am trying to say is the amount of grasses and other vegetation that isn't alongside federal interstates, and I am speaking of interstates only (other highways and roadways not included) has to be enough, according to this sign to balance out and over acheive.

Carbon dioxide is not a dangerous pollutant. It is vital for life on earth! Would someone tell that nimrod running for president this?